The root of my agitation stems from the amount of relatives I have. My family firmly believes in the practice of marriage, baby-making, divorce, and remarriage (not necessarily in that order). If at first you don't succeed, try again... and again... and again. Don't get my wrong, I love my family. All of them. But four separate Thanksgiving dinners (complete with four separate uncle Davids - no, I'm not kidding) is enough to unsettle even the most enthusiastic cheer mongers.
Now that Turkey Week has arrived, I've decided to chronicle my Thanksgiving experiences this year. That means you'll get not one, but four new blog posts this week. As I've already had the first of my family meals, we'll begin this week with a tale from my Grandma Pat's home.
Let me begin with a brief explanation about who the main players at Grandma Pat's house were. When I was five, my mother married my Step-Dad, Bob. Pat is Bob's mother. My mom divorced Bob when I was 18 and Bob has since remarried to a wonderful woman named Liz. Bob and my mother had a daughter of their own, Sarah (she's 21yo). So that makes Bob my ex-step-father, Pat my ex-step-grandmother, Sarah my half sister and Liz my ex-step-father's-new-wife/Sarah's step-mom - or something like that. Liz's parents, Dick and Linda, were also in attendance at dinner Sunday night.
Sarah and I were the first to arrive at Grandma's house, followed closely by Linda, Liz's mother. It wasn't long before the topic of politics was broached and I was reduced to sending pleading text messages to Liz, begging her to come and save me. Pat is a staunch republican who thinks Michele Bachmann would make a great vice-president. Need I say more? Yes? She's also a devout catholic and mild racist. I love her dearly but there's only so much I can tolerate.
After the rest of the gang made their grand entrances, we finally sat down to a lovely dinner of roasted lamb (Grandma Pat was kind enough to not subject us all to turkey over-load). Conversation was going quite well until someone brought up the TLC show "19 Kids and Counting". I know what you're thinking. "Sure, this can be a touchy subject, especially when you're in the home of a faithful catholic;" but that's not where I'm going. Even the most conservative of families can have their moments. Ours came when my sister referenced the mother on the TV show by saying "Talk about throwing a hot dog down a hallway!" My grandmother and Linda both had the good sense to pretend not to hear her comment. Bob pretended to be shocked until my sister reminded him that he was responsible for teaching her that little gem. The rest of us either gasped or sat there shaking our heads in disapproval, secretly wishing we had the guts to make such a vulgar statement.
All in all, I survived round one of Turkey Week 2011. Thanks to my recent graduation and new job, I didn't have to bob and weave through any pressing questions about when I would finish school, where was I going to work or whether or not I was going to be a barista for the rest of my life. It was (almost) enjoyable.
Next up: Thursday Night at Aunt Linda and Uncle David 1.0s' house.
Sarah and I were the first to arrive at Grandma's house, followed closely by Linda, Liz's mother. It wasn't long before the topic of politics was broached and I was reduced to sending pleading text messages to Liz, begging her to come and save me. Pat is a staunch republican who thinks Michele Bachmann would make a great vice-president. Need I say more? Yes? She's also a devout catholic and mild racist. I love her dearly but there's only so much I can tolerate.
After the rest of the gang made their grand entrances, we finally sat down to a lovely dinner of roasted lamb (Grandma Pat was kind enough to not subject us all to turkey over-load). Conversation was going quite well until someone brought up the TLC show "19 Kids and Counting". I know what you're thinking. "Sure, this can be a touchy subject, especially when you're in the home of a faithful catholic;" but that's not where I'm going. Even the most conservative of families can have their moments. Ours came when my sister referenced the mother on the TV show by saying "Talk about throwing a hot dog down a hallway!" My grandmother and Linda both had the good sense to pretend not to hear her comment. Bob pretended to be shocked until my sister reminded him that he was responsible for teaching her that little gem. The rest of us either gasped or sat there shaking our heads in disapproval, secretly wishing we had the guts to make such a vulgar statement.
All in all, I survived round one of Turkey Week 2011. Thanks to my recent graduation and new job, I didn't have to bob and weave through any pressing questions about when I would finish school, where was I going to work or whether or not I was going to be a barista for the rest of my life. It was (almost) enjoyable.
Next up: Thursday Night at Aunt Linda and Uncle David 1.0s' house.
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